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-Walla walla bing bang- [04 Mar 2008|11:26am]
[ mood | mellow ]

Ive been doing better these past few weeks. Having a job is helping me out alot. Or maybe my talk with dick and cindi helped alot too. But from now on Im letting destiny take its tole. If its meant to be, it wil happen. No more feeling sorry for myself, or pinning after something that just isnt there. Dont get me wrong, my feelings havent changed and i still get sad day to day, but im trying a new way of thinking. Honestly, if you love something, set it free... hopefully, one day it will come back.

I wonder if he's noticed my lack of communication? Its been a couple of weeks. Im sure he is just releaved he doesnt have to deal or think about me. WHATEVER.


On a lighter side, im getting my passport tomorrow. Im just one step closer to being set up for Mexico and Hawaii. Im completely excited. Ive been to NY only and that was yeeeears ago. i need some me time, away from the bay and all that dwells in it. blah.

I have tomorrow off, maybe a zoo trip is needed again. i went with sarah last week and it was fun. I prefer SF, but oaklnad still has some cuties. I really want to see my penguins. stinky stinky penguins. they remind me of, well you know who. so gay. i hate it. everything i see and hear or watch. Im going MENTAL.

Work is so slooooooow. only one Sx, and im stuck up front. Hence the journal entry. im going to start updating more. Im typing alot so it sounds like im working and im focused on something long enough to make the day go by a little faster than normal. burt burt burt.

i think ill do a survey or two. Lame ass.

X's and O's Libby

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Ode to the big storm [23 Feb 2008|01:47pm]
[ mood | working ]

oh how i hate you big storm,
you didnt give me a fighting chance.
i was walking home for lunch and you came in a flash.

ode to you big storm, you stealthy son of a bitch.
now i have to walk in you again
cause a ride i cant hitch.

damn it.

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nothing special [14 Feb 2008|01:05pm]
[ mood | busy ]

+ i have a job
+ im getting alot of money back on my taxes
+ im gettin my sleeve tat with the money
+ im going to mexico in april with folks

- im going to be late back to work
- matthew still hates me
- im still at my moms
- and its still fucking valentines day

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so there! [01 Feb 2008|10:44am]
[ mood | anxious ]

matthew told me to stop writting about him in MY livejournal.
well heres what i think abut that:

Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew,
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!

so there.

bite me sweetheart.

3 comments|post comment

meH. [17 Jan 2008|02:58pm]
[ mood | sick ]

im sick, like horribly ill.

-tummy ache
-dry eyes
-insane coughing
-runny nose
-body aches
-no sleep
-not eating

i want to die. its mirandas birthday tonight and i cant drink, boo. i cant even think about drinking right now. ill just wanna vomit.

i took two benedryl and two dayquil and a little codine just took take the edge off. its just makin me high and very drowzy. i keep seeing things. ive only gotten a little over 10 hours of sleep in the last three days, ugh.

go away virus, please.

3 comments|post comment

i know noone will read this... [22 Dec 2007|12:22pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

ive been making myself sick by thinking.

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

about what you ask?

oh. Matthew. yeah. go figure.

Ive been making a fool of myself. All i do is think, sleep, drink and eat Matthew. All day. All i can do is remember all these cute things and all the fun stuff and all our silly jokes we had. Most of all i miss laying in his front room on the couch, drinking hot chocolate, watching movies. movie after movie. Late night drives. being so bored we start to draw in his room... =(

I made the mistake of watching old videos from high school from when we first started dating. just seeing how he used to look at me makes me so angry. I didnt appreciate it. At all. I was such a stupid little girl. I had it in my face all along, all i did was fuck it up at the worst times.

Not sure whats wrong with me, but all i can do is think about him and me and what went wrong and why i cant get over him.

Should i get over him?

Hes over me.

But why should i get over him if i still love him. it would just be torture. complete torture.

But he actually has a girlfriend. a real one. thats not me!

and its fucking killing me.

I love him.

I want to be with him.

I know him better than all those stupid girls.

At least i used to. =/

ive never felt this kind of deep rooted jealousy for any of them before.

he always, forgive my language "fuck and chucks" them. but he kept this one. and shes dumb. not because shes with him, shes just actually stupid. pretty face, skinny body, young and all that jazz, but a full blown idiot. i think matthew does this to keep things on an even keel. not saying hes stupid, just he doesnt have to try to hard with her.

he even knows hes not going to be with her forever, or for that long even, he told me. so why is he wasting time.

The worst thing of all is that he wont speak to me. when were at a party he will, but i know he doesnt want to. im just his dumb ex that wont take a hint. i call him and text him and e mail him and nothing. how does he do it? i could never ignore him. ever. even when i was seeing someone else, i still spoke to him. =/ so whats so horrible about speaking to me now that he is with someone. someone who is temporary.

maybe im just freaking out because he finally took the step. the big step of making another girl his girlfriend. ive always been his girlfriend. the "ex", the "only" the everything. and now im being replaced and compared and its driving me crazy!!!!!!

if i cant have him then i wish i could remove him from my head, like in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. just take this chunk of matthew out of my brain. then maybe one day we will walk by and not know each other and we could start fresh. or maybe nothing at all.
i want no pain. no baggage. nothing.

i know thats what he wants to. maybe thats why he is giving up on me and going to her.

WHO IS SHE???? Shes a thief and a fake.

before he met her, she was this hip hop dancing fag thing and NOOOOOW she is wearing alot of black and she pierced her lip and is trying to be emo and all that fake dumb shit and fuck it makes me so mad.

im getting angry. i cant think about this anymore. what on earth do i do? what?

i love him. i really do. ive tried getting over it, blocking it, replacing it.nothing works. shit.

no boy will compare.

and now im stuck will this horrible feeling in my gut.

i work myself up to much.

whatever. were gonna get back together, grow old, get a house and have really funny, but cute looking babies. and hella cats and lizards.

the end.

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bored with life [16 Jan 2007|11:29pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

N WORD. im just being alive on here.

2 comments|post comment

poopie doodie [24 May 2006|04:50pm]
[ mood | bored ]

holy shit i need a job fast.
if i dont im going to be homeless.
i have no motivation to do anything.

oook, im done. i know i suck at this live journal thing, dont i? a ha.
and im out.

4 comments|post comment

POG MI BOG. [07 May 2006|01:02pm]
[ mood | bored ]

im bored.
Michael hates my life. =)

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I dont recal my weekend [24 Apr 2006|06:19pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

i had a party and it was fantastic.
i lost my shit and destroyed my house, but it was great.
oh it was great.
now i have to clean.

oh and i looove san felipe.

2 comments|post comment

cough [21 Apr 2006|10:56am]
[ mood | sick ]

im so sick its not funny.

i hate being drunk with a cold & a soar throat.

oh well.

2 comments|post comment

intruder alert. [19 Apr 2006|11:42am]

birthday party, FOR ME on saturday around eight.
come and if you go somewhere else *cough cough*
i will be upset.

yes, and thank you.
3 comments|post comment

life is like ... [17 Apr 2006|11:04pm]
[ mood | high ]

i need a job.

im going to be homeless.


6 comments|post comment

bunny bunny bunny [16 Apr 2006|12:55pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Happy easter everybody.
i hope you all have a great evening.
im going to go to a pot luck and gaining at least 7 more pounds....

and im out.

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Faster than a cheetah driving a bullet train... [14 Apr 2006|09:36pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I need to drink.
I need to party.
God damn.
I want to go to dougs party tonight.
Matthew will be there...if I go, ill be drunk, ignore him and then finally talk to him and get in a huge argument.
niiiice, I think ill stay at home with my man and get drunk with my roomies.

boooo yow! boom shocka locka locka.

shit im bored as hell.

3 comments|post comment

The big 2 O [13 Apr 2006|02:23pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Ok everyone.
im going to be twenty.
thats weird.
not a teenager.
i dont understand.
i dont want to actually be an adult.
i have no more excuses to be ridiculous,except for the fact that i am ME.

Anywho, im going to throw a gathering of my closet friends and get fucked up. whos with me?

The party will be on saturday april 22, lets say around...8:00.
....show up whenever, but make sure you show up at a time when i can remember you being there. k thanks.

oh santa cruz kids: YOU NEVER FUCKING COME TO MY PARTYS, THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY, I LOVE YOU. ill be expecting you to come. aaaaaall of you. niggers.

so there. =P

6 comments|post comment

lets play catch up! [12 Apr 2006|02:29pm]
[ mood | bored ]

since the beginning of this year]

1. have you had a gf/bf?: yes
2. have you had your birthday?: nope not yet
3. gotten drunk?: oh god yes.
4. gotten high?: yeeeeeah
5. smoked a cig?: yep
6. cried? yes.
7. had someone close to you die?: not that close, but yes
9. drank starbucks?: yes, but... but.. its so good!
10. went shopping?: sadly yes
11. been camping?: no!
12. been to the beach?: i dont wanna, lets do a bonfire!!!
13. bought something for over $200?: heck no techno
15. been out of state?: nooooooo
16. visited a family member?: yes, my mom and grandparents!
17. gone snowboarding?: naw

[in the past month]

1. have you had sex?: dur
2. kissed someone?: uh huh
3. slept in a friends bed?: yep
4. snuck someone over?: haha, nope, got my own place!
5. snuck out of your own house?: i don't have to
6. been drunk?: sure have
7. lied?: once or twice
8. gotten a car?: no, i still have that piece of shit goddamn curse of a car that i hate.
9. went over your cell phone bill?: metro baby!
10. been called a whore?: uuuuuuuum, not to my face ;)
11. drove somewhere?: almost every day.
12. been away from home for over 2 nights?: yep.
13. seen an old friend?: kinda

[in the past week]

1. bought something?: cloves
3. watched t.v for over 3 hours straight?: no.
4. been to the movie theater?: yes, a couple of times
5. been to a party?: nope. heck yes
6. gone skydiving?: nope
7. been to the beach?: naw.
8. smoked?: two minutes ago
9. gotten a gift from someone?: cowboy boots <3
10. been out of control?: not yet
12. made a cd?: yes, three
13. called someone?: always.
14. had someone tell you they love you?: no, not in a while...


1. thing you bought?: Djarum lights
2. person you hugged?: michael
3. person you talked to?: my mom
4. person to call you?: paul
5. last thing you said to someone?: "i had to clean it, it smelled really bad, silly ferret."
6. last time you brushed your teeth?: this morning.
7. last time you took a bath?: months , i like baths though...
8. when was the last time you cried?: Saturday, April 8th
9. last time you felt stupid?: yesterday
10. person you think about before you go to sleep?: matthew =(

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[29 Dec 2005|10:04pm]
[ mood | bored ]

In 2005 I...

{X} broke a promise
{X} made a new best friend
{ } fell in love
{x} fell out of love
{X} did something you swore never to do
{X} lied
{X} stole
{x} went behind your parents back
{X} cried over a broken heart
{X} dissapointed someone close
{X} hidden a secret
{X} pretended to be happy
{ } got arrested
{X} kissed in the rain
{ } slept under the stars
{ } had a birthday that sucked
{ } kept your new years resolution
{X} forgot your new years resolution
{X} met someone who changed your life
{ } met one of your idols
{X} changed your outlook on life
{X} sat home all day doing nothing
(X} pretended to be sick
{X} liked him/her knowing they didn't like you back
{ } left the country
{X} almost died
{X} given up something important to you
{X} lost something expensive
{X} learned something new about yourself
{X} tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
{ } made a change in your life
{ } found out who your true friends were.
{X} made a total fool of yourself
{X} met great people
{X} got addicted to myspace
{X} thought he/she was the love of your life
{ } got in a car accident
{ } fell in love with a teacher at school-
{ } broke a bone
{ } went to the ER or you were admitted to the hospital
{X}nearly died of laughter
{x} gave up on love
[X] experienced something new
[X] made new friends
[X] lied to your parents
[ ] snuck out
[ ] got arrested
[X] got in trouble with police
[ ] kissed in a pool
[x] kissed under the stars
[X] went to a party
[ ] had the time of your life
[X] danced
[X] had a crush on someone
[X] changed your sexual preferance
[ ] swam in the lake
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman
[ ] went snowboaring
[ ] went sledding
[X] slept in past 2 pm
[X] held someones hand that you care about
[X] had a fling or relationship with someone
[X] got wasted in a public place
[ ] got wasted in mexico
[x] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[X] took pictures
[ ] went on vacation
[ ] went on vacation with a friend
[X] drove a car
[X] went to a movie theater
[X] danced in the rain
[ ] got in a car accident
[X] saw someone get in a car accident
[ ] got in a fist fight
[X] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[X] lauged until you cried
[ ] had an amazing year
[ ] am going to look back with no regrets
{X} stayed up til sunrise
{X} pigged out over the summer
{ } met someone from myspace in person
{x} stayed up crying all night over something
{X} partied more than 5 times
{X} was never home on weekends
{X} had friends who were drifting away from me
{x} truly realized that certain things weren't meant to be
{XXXX} had someone close to me die
{X} became wiser
{ } Had a high cell phone bill
{ } wasted most of my money on food
{X} went to the beach
{ } saw a celebrity
{X} got sick
{X} liked more than 5 people at the same time
{X} had a wasted night
{X} became closer to a lot of people


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[16 Nov 2005|09:48pm]
lets see.

-new job
-i moved out
aaaaaand yeah im boring.

i miss all of you. Basically im talking to the SC kids because they are the only ones on this damn thing! Sean its picture time, i think.
6 comments|post comment

[25 Sep 2005|07:47pm]
knock knock?

Go fuck yourself.
3 comments|post comment

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